


Our Philosophy

by goodnightPidge



Category: EXO (Band), NCT (Band), SuperM (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Crushes, Fluff, Kissing, M/M, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Sexual Tension, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-17
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-02-07 18:34:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21462628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodnightPidge/pseuds/goodnightPidge
Summary: Mark gets assigned to do an art project with an intimidating stranger, who he's had a low-key crush on for his entire teenage existence. He quickly learns that Kai is more than what his looks say about his true heart.
Relationships: Kim Jongin | Kai/Mark Lee (NCT)
Comments: 20
Kudos: 119





	1. Well, Hello

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this chapter in like an hour lol. (I’m gonna change the story description once I get inspired to re-write). Anyways, the moment I saw in the SuperM interviews Kai complimenting Mark all the time, I was just like, "They are too adorable. I am inspired," But anyways, I'm thinking of sticking to just 4 chapters. SO LET'S HOPE MY LAZY ASS DOESN'T FLOP ON THIS. Hope you enjoy!

“Ugh. It’s still too big. It just won’t fit properly,”

“Come on, you just gotta give it a good push. Maybe stretch it out a little bit more. Or hey, why don’t you put some spit on it to make it easier,”

“Hyuck, that’s not at all how clay works,”

Mark deadpanned at Donghyuck’s attempt at humor as the younger continued to crowd in on Mark’s limp clay statue. Or so, Mark would like for it to look more like a statue and less like a finger printed mess. He’ll blame Donghyuck for nagging at him and distracting him for the past class sessions. 

Mark went on to try and fit his sculpted nose onto his clay face after shifting the shape to a more commendable size. The moment he placed the piece onto the noseless-face, it just wasn’t looking… perfect. The oh-so-familiar nagging came again from his dear friend,

“Ahhh, you screwed up, again. Idiot~”

Mark sighed heavily and leaned back in the plastic chair, exhibiting ultimate defeat. Not that this in-class assignment called for greek-sculptor-like works. But he had been working on it for four days and the entire class is nearly done with their statues. Mark felt himself lacking, but he knew when he had to take a break from excessive stress.

With no real reason, Mark’s eyes landed on a classmate in his art class who he finds himself being intrigued by almost daily. Someone who he has never spoken a word to but often catches himself staring at said stranger for long periods of time.

Kim Jongin, his senior. 

MVP of the Varsity Basketball team for the past 3 years and popular member amongst a dance channel with his other seniors; The dance channel gaining about nearly a million views with every release and 75% of the comments drooling over Kim Jongin’s dick. 

Within the school, Kim Jongin was well known for his fierce style. His intimidating face both while on the court and when he danced was something Mark couldn’t take his mind off of. There have been an embarrassing amount of replays done on the popular dance channel that Mark didn’t want to admit. This was especially true on solos that focused on the center dancer, which of course was Kim Jongin.

Even now, as Mark slumped in his plastic chair, he took in the features of the senior who sat a few yards away. Jongin’s mouth agape as he worked, his eyes that followed the carvings of his clay, and his hands that were holding his piece with so much care. This man radiated a sophisticated and untouchable aura.

This staring only lasted for a brief 4 seconds at most, however. That’s all Mark could really take when it came to unintentionally staring at Kim Jongin. Plus he wouldn’t want Donghyuck to find another reason to tease Mark for if the younger had noticed. So he kept his admiration under surface level.

At most, anyways.

There were times throughout practice with his junior varsity members where Mark would praise Kim Jongin for his flawless rebounds or effortless long shots. He tried to be casual about his praises, which often came with agreeing nods and, “I know right?”s from his team members. But inside, Mark was severely fanboying at everything the man did.

**

Today’s JV basketball practice consisted of cardio training, which meant lots of time on the track, sweating and dying. Mark was okay with it since he liked to run, but when he stepped out and soon realized that the Varsity members were also out on the track, he became self conscious. Whenever he was in a space shared with Kim Jongin, Mark couldn’t contain his intrigue for the older. It was a little weird, he’ll admit, how much he becomes conscious of his presence. But at the same time, his days became a lot more fulfilled when Jongin was around.

That killer smile wasn’t something to take for granted.

As the hours dragged on the rocky track, he and basically everyone else were ready to get practice over with. He was angry at the sun for shining so brightly on them, making them sweat oceans. But as he heaved while kneeling on the grass, Mark’s eyes landed on the senior at a rare time. 

Kim Jongin had pulled the bottom half of his shirt to wipe the sweat off his face, instantly showing off a gleaming view of his dramatic abs.

Maybe Mark had something to thank the sun for as it truly dramatized Jongin’s body (which in itself is a rare sight to catch so Mark was not very sly with his stares).

When the senior let the shirt fall back down, he unleashed the killer smile once more, laughing at a joke that was told to him. Even from 50 meters down the track, Kim Jongin was able to attack Mark’s well-being with just simple actions.

_ Sheesh, I really need to get a hold of myself _.

** 

Practice finally ended, and Mark was irritated. 

He had sworn he had left his gym bag by the track ... somewhere near it anyways. But it seemed to have disappeared when he came back from the bathroom. 

Mark walked back out to the track to search for his bag and low behold. 

He saw that his favorite senior was the only one left, still doing some cooldown stretches. He tried to ignore the beautiful man as he walked along the outskirts to search, while an irrational thought crossed his mind,

_ Should I ask him if he had seen my bag? _

Mark froze at the thought of approaching basically his role model. Kim Jongin was practically a celebrity in his eyes. And though asking something so neutral wouldn’t lead to Mark potentially making a fool out of himself (hopefully), the thought still made his palms clammy. But Mark decided to just man up and do it.

Mark marched on up to the senior reaching for his toes peacefully. The closer he got to him, the more regretful Mark became. 

_ Oh god, it’s just us two out here. And I’m literally right behind him now, so I can’t just turn around without looking stupid. _

Mark tightened his fists as he struggled to interrupt the senior’s peaceful stretching. He wasn’t sure of what Jongin’s reaction would be, so he thought of a million different greetings in his head, (some being not even in Korean, which had Mark mentally face palming at himself for even suggesting). As he drove himself crazy, his eyes followed Jongin’s spine which was piercing through his sheer workout T-shirt. 

_ Wow, his muscle tone really shows well with that shirt. I wonder what his workout routi- _

In that moment the senior must’ve sensed a presence behind him as he turned his head to the side. The older instantly straightened up and jumped a little in surprise,

“Omo! Gosh... you scared me,”

The older then unleashed a laugh, eyes closing to crescents as he smiled up at the frozen junior. Mark characterized the laugh as being surprisingly… dorky? It was a stark contrast from the serious and intimidating image Jongin held, thus initially making Mark hesitant in potentially annoying the senior.

But the dorkiness of the laughter made Kim Jongin much more human in his mind, thus causing him to let his nerves and body to relax. With Mark caught off guard, no other word was said at first as Mark awkwardly chuckled along with the older.

After a few silent seconds, the older stood up and turned fully towards the junior as he finally asked,

“So, what’s up? Did you need me for something?”

_ Dang. I haven’t even said a word to him and he’s said more words to me than I would’ve ever expected from him. He’s a lot more cooler than I thought. _

Mark tried to not be intimidated by Jongin’s towering figure, looking down at him with his undivided attention. Jongin looked way different as he stared directly into Mark’s eyes, definitely a beautiful human to see up close.

  
The way Jongin’s expression changed to such a gentle, attentive one made Mark’s heart rate violent. He couldn’t even bring himself to look up, eyes darting to parts of the field, as he replied,  
  


“Ah, so I think I left a bright orange Nike gym bag laying around here. I-uh. Yeah, it was over there and stuff… but now it’s not… and stuff. Maybe you saw it? You think so?”  
  
_ What is this? My first year speaking in Korean?! What is this garbo coming out of my mouth right now? _

Jongin asked out of no where,

“Sorry if this is random, but are you a foreigner?”

Surprised by his sudden interest in Mark’s personal life, Mark shamefully rubbed at his neck as he laughed,

“Ah- yeah. I’m Canadian actually,”

The older’s eyes nearly popped out of his head as he let out a noise of awe.

“Wow I never knew that about you. That’s awesome,”

Mark slightly blushed at the miniscule fact about himself that he had let out. To be honest, having the older have even the slightest interest in Mark’s life did warm his heart. Jongin continued,

“But sorry, bro. I haven’t seen your bag or anything, would you like me to help you find it?”

Nearly melting at the sincerity of his senior, Mark shook his head,

“Oh no, I wouldn’t want to hinder you of your time. Thanks, uh, man,”

Jongin denied in modest,

“No, it’s absolutely fine. But if you want, I can give you my number, and I’ll let you know if I find it somewhere inside the gym later? I’m staying behind to lift some weights anyways”

The whole world stopped spinning the moment Kim Jongin offered to share his number to Mark. He was really about to get the number of his idol and “basketball crush” of 3 years. Before Mark could even utter a syllable, he heard a harmonious collection of screams from across the field, calling for the younger.

The duo turned towards the commotion and Mark instantly saw his gym bag in the hands of his favorite hyung, Johnny. Upon noticing his bag and seeing Jaehyun, Yuta, and Taeyong standing by, Johnny had yelled out,

“Mark! If you want your bag back...”

Johnny looked to the other three boys for a moment before they all nodded in sync. Then he continued,

“Come and chase us to get it!”

And they took off at the speed of light. Mark, panicked and slightly annoyed, ran towards his hyungs, leaving Kim Jongin by himself in the middle of the track to watch the younger run off.

Totally forgetting about potentially receiving his senior’s number until it comes back up in his memory later on that night. 

**

That same night, Mark took some time to understand why the hell his stomach bubbled with heat and mind shut down when Mark was in Kim Jongin’s presence.

At first Mark had thought it was pure admiration, merely just having a role model to aspire to be, thus becoming naturally attached to them in a way. But that was before he got to know all of the hyungs he does now. People like Ten, Johnny, Yuta, Taeil, the list goes on, are those that he truly sees as role models. Once he got to know what a true role model was to him, he started to question if Kim Jongin had a proper fit in that category.

It’s a question he had asked for a while now, ever since middle school when he first came to Korea and had heard of Kim Jongin through mutuals. This intrigue for the senior had grown slowly and peacefully throughout the years. 

But for some reason, with the new semester, it had hit him like a ton of bricks, completely out of nowhere. The admiration for Jongin has grown to be much worse than Mark could’ve ever expected. It had been a constant battle Mark had been fighting within himself, but sooner or later he had to be honest with himself, for the sake of his sanity.

He might be gay for Kim Jongin.


	2. My Partner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *DISCLAIMER: I know Kai and Mark's age difference is pretty wide, but for the purpose of this story, Kai is only 1 year older than Mark in this high school setting lol.

Sleep ridden and exhausted from last night’s Calculus homework, Mark could truly thank God that it was Friday.

He walked into his art class, laying his backpack below his table. People started to slowly come in, and Donghyuck righteously claimed his spot next to his favorite victim.

The younger commented, “What are you up to this weekend?”, as he unloaded his class materials.

Mark pondered for a bit. Probably not much except for a bit of strumming on his guitar and perhaps a few laps on the track, he thought. He’s not much of an exciting person, he concluded.

Mark replied with just that and Donghyuck scowled at the response,

“Being lame? Again? Then let’s go to Jaehyun’s apartment for a few drinks after school,”

With that idea, the older liked the sound of the plan, especially on a Friday night. Just as he nodded at the idea, he sees Kim Jongin stride in with his messenger bag and expensive looking leather jacket. Mark’s pulse quickens.

When Mark finally came to terms with his undeniable crush for the senior, it had been like a brand new world had been shone onto him. Jongin was once like a celebrity in his mind, but now, his mind was filled to the brim with thoughts of Kim Jongin; In which consisted of fantasies of them doing cheesy stuff like going on picnics by the Han River, or spending time in Mark’s room watching old Disney movies… and stuff.

When the older walked in, he had a neutral expression, not really minding the environment around him. Not once did he look up at Mark’s direction.

Visibly shrinking, Mark decided to tend back to the conversation with Donghyuck, trying to ignore the miniscule sting he felt initially.

_ He probably doesn’t think much about me. _

Mark replied,

“You seem pretty eager to hang with the hyungs to drink,”

Donghyuck shrugged as he whined,

“Well, I haven’t had a drink since Taeil-hyung’s birthday party, so it’d be nice to do something like that again,”

Mark raised an ominous eyebrow at the younger,

“You’re just hoping to see Taeil-hyung tonight, right? You’re not hiding your crush well,”

Hyuck blubbered as he shoved at Mark,

“Shut up. It’s not like that,”

Mark giggled as he poked at Donghyuck’s sides, seeing the younger struggle to escape the jabbings,

“Okay, liar. Just ignore the fact that we all saw you two cuddling on Jaehyun’s bed, whispering sweet nothings to each other,”

Donghyuck groaned loudly as he gave up at defending himself, making Mark crack a smile. In that moment, the teacher walked in with stacks of folders. As Mark's gaze looked up to the center of the class, he tensed up.

Kim Jongin was staring into Mark’s soul with an unreadable expression.

The two locked eyes for a slightly longer time than usual as Mark’s mind was running in circles. He has never had Kim Jongin actually look at him like this before today.  
  


_ Is my shirt unbuttoned? Did I not brush my hair good enough today? Is he judging me- no probably not. What should I do… maybe I should wave? Smile? Is that too weird? _

Saving Mark’s from his dilemma, the teacher brought attention to the class with her instructions for the day,

“Alright class, good job on your clay structures. Just remember that it’s okay if your pieces are not perfect. Art is about expressing yourselves and making your abstract ideas come to life. So don’t think you have to compare yourself to others,”

Donghyuck then mocked Mark, speaking in English,

“Thet is okay. Jest be who you erh,”

He was quoting a pretty funny meme, but Mark eyerolled in annoyance at Hyuck and firmly slapped the younger’s thigh. Donghyuck let out an embarrassing grunt, which had Jaemin and Jeno snickering from the corner of the room.

The teacher continued, not minding the disturbance,

“All of your pieces have been sent off to the kiln to bake, and you will continue to work on them next month. In the meantime, we have a new month-long project we will be working on until then,”

The class collectively groaned,

“For this next assignment, we will be focusing on Greek philosophy, more specifically, the topic of political philosophy. It all might sound confusing to you now, but this is why this project calls for extensive research, which will lead to you guys creating pieces of art expressing those ideals,”

The teacher continued to explain the project involving 3 different pieces of art - 1 painting, 1 photograph, and one mixed media piece - showcasing a chronological story relating to political philosophy.

Mark’s brain was empty as he tried to comprehend how he was supposed to come up with 3 creative pieces in a month. And the teacher replied promptly to the concern,

“So this is why this will involve pairs to work on this project for a month. You guys will collaborate and create a series that will showcase both of your ideals equally. So start picking your partners by the end of this class, which I will give you the last few minutes of class to pick,”

Though slightly relieved, Mark didn’t like the uneasiness of working with another person. He didn’t like relying on other people he didn’t know well, or other people taking advantage of him either.

Mark knows oh to well what it’s like to feel used....

...So thankfully he will have Hyuck, who understands him the best, to work with. That was until Hyuck raised his hand and announced,

“Teacher, I will be going on vacation to Hawaii for the next two weeks with my family. Will I be excused for this project?”

The teacher replied,

“Yes, you’ll just have a separate assignment to do by yourself once you come back,”

Hyuck nodded while Mark looked up at the younger in betrayal.

For the rest of the class, the teacher played a horribly boring video about Greek philosophy and history. During that time, Mark took the time to ask his dear friend,

“Since when the hell did you plan this trip?!”

Hyuck shrugged,

“Ask my dad. He just randomly decided to drop this on me for my birthday. Even though my birthday is in like 3 months. He’s weird,”

“Well, who else would I work with? Jeno and Jaemin are the only other two I know well, and it’s obvious that they’re gonna work together,”

“Mark, everyone loves you. You can probably get a partner easily if you just try,”

Once the last ten minutes of class came by, Mark was panicking. He tried to scout out the class and clearly, it wasn’t going to be too easy. He couldn’t imagine how the dynamic would be working with people he didn’t fully know. And having to rely on them for a project that will probably be 50% of his semester grade was nerve wracking. 

And ofcourse, Kim Jongin has crossed his mind as a potential partner, but the popular senior most likely had a partner already in mind. 

It was the last minute before class ended and not one acquaintance of Mark’s spared the lonely boy a glance. It seemed pretty much set in stone who was working with who and Mark felt a bit of anxiety clouding his mind. When Mark looked down to his phone to text Hyuck’s father to beg to cancel the trip for Mark’s sake (selfish, he knows), he heard a soothing voice that momentarily pulled him out of his mania,

“Hey Mark-ssi. Would you like to be my partner?”

Kim Jongin was standing in front of his desk with his hands in his pockets, awaiting his answer. It was like Jongin had pushed through Mark’s fears and stood to the front, being his comforting savior.

“Oh, yeah. Ofcourse we can be partners!”

Jongin’s eyes sparkled brightly as he excitedly pulled out his phone,

“Alright well here’s my phone number, so that I can contact you. Hopefully you can recieve my number well this time, heh,”

Mark nervously laughed at the tease Jongin made, instantly remembering him running away from the senior at the track. Kim Jongin continued,

“Do you think you can meet up at the library after school today? It’ll just be a very short meeting to talk about making plans,”

Mark was living in a fantasy as he took in the words of the older and exchanged numbers. He was very happy yet nervous with the idea of them working together. Meeting up often, for the next month. He couldn’t have asked for more. 

When Jongin gave Mark one last goodbye to leave the class, Hyuck looked at Mark with a bewildered look and asked,

“Why the hell did Kim Jongin just ask you to be his partner?”

Mark shrugged as he struggled to search for a viable answer,

“Uhhh, your guess is as good as mine,”

**

In the library sat only Mark and Jongin, looking through their phones on their calendar apps. They’ve decided that they can only really meet two to three times a week since their personal obligations and basketball games can often times collide. Mark didn’t mind since he still had the blessing to spend by Jongin’s side, researching during the art period.

Once they settled on a set plan, Jongin prompted with,

“Alright, so maybe we should try to get a good idea of what the heck we’re actually doing?”

And again Jongin let out a soft chuckle, making Mark nervously laugh and hiss,

“Ah… yeah. Not gonna lie I was lost during that video she played in class,”

Mark shifted awkwardly in his seat, not knowing how to go about establishing ground for their project. He also couldn’t maintain eye contact with the older for more than three seconds. So the majority of their meeting consisted of Mark looking down at the table, and glancing up at Jongin’s godly face every so often.

Kim Jongin mumbled, possibly to himself,

“Yeah... political philosophy… sounds like a very weird subject to make art for,”

Mark straightened up in his seat as he thought of an idea,

“Maybe we can just do a little bit of research since we’re already here. Unless, you’re busy tonight?”

Jongin looked at the clock briefly before replying,

“Sure, I can stay for about an hour or so. I got night dance practice, but I’m sure they won’t mind if I show up a little late,”

Mark nodded, and the two changed places to the computer sections. They spent about 30 minutes on their own research, scribbling a few ideas in their notebooks.

Kim Jongin muttered,

“Ooh, hey Mark-ssi, I found something kind of interesting. It’s called, “The Ideal and Nonideal Theory”. One part talks about how one ‘picturing/knowing an ideally just society isn’t the best guide to living life.’”

Hearing the fresh idea made Mark’s eyes sparkle. It was definitely a good start to their project. Mark clapped his hands together loudly, making Jongin jump slightly (in which Mark softly apologized for). Ideas were starting to come in mind and he was getting excited,

“Okay. I think I got a good start,”

Jongin looked to Mark attentively, while Mark continued without trying to feel conscious of his gaze,

“So, maybe we can twist that whole philosophy aspect, and just make the three-piece about living your life the way you want, or something. Maybe telling a story of how someone grows from breaking out of social norms into their own person,”

The older nodded as he smiled widely at the idea. He held out his hand for a shake with Mark. Mark nervously accepted the brief, insignificant physical contact.

“I really like that idea,”

Kim Jongin was getting ready to pack up, along with Mark. Before the older left, he announced to Mark,

“So for our project, we can meet up at my house to do it since I have a lot of art supplies there already. I’ll send you the address through text so we can meet up after school on Tuesday,”

Keeping his excitement well inside, Mark casually agreed to the idea and told him to have a good weekend, in which the older did the same as well.


	3. Another World

Mark felt weirdly at peace upon entering Jongin’s home for the first time. It was very put together, all the curtains drawn open to allow the bright sun rays to fill the spacious living room.

The two sat on the dining room table, going over various research pieces they pulled from class. 

In class, a lot of the time was spent researching and drafting for their project, ofcourse. But often they got side-tracked and rambled about their interests and hobbies. It was great having to get closer to the older, and quite frankly Mark’s crush was just not getting any less insignificant because of it.

He was never one to complain about his blessings though, so he enjoyed every moment.

With the project to work on, Mark also spent his time by Kim Jongin’s side, slowly getting closer to the senior through attempts at impressing him with lame puns. Surprisingly enough, Kim Jongin always received the notions very well with his beautiful smile and genuine laughter. Mark often felt warm by the other’s side, even with him telling the same worn out joke he’s told to a handful of other people. Kim Jongin makes the jokes sound fresh in his mind, and it makes Mark wish to never see a day where Kim Jongin wasn’t smiling.

As the pair finished sharing different aspects of their research, Jongin looked to the younger and asked him a heavy question,

“So, how do you think we should construct the 3 part series relating to all the research we did? Got any ideas?”

Mark pondered for a bit as he tried to come up with some viable ideas. With the broad subject they chose, which was breaking out of social norms, there were so many ways he could’ve creatively expressed the subject. But for some reason, a topic that stuck out like a sore thumb in his mind was the self-acceptance of someone’s sexuality..

It was a bit extreme, Mark admitted that much. Maybe he wasn’t going to outright have the art piece be that obvious, yet be expressed in a way that anyone could connect with.

Mark paused for a minute before he nervously began to propose his idea,

“So I’m thinking, with our first part… we can start it off with it kinda being sad…”

The senior repeated, look of curiosity shown on his face,

“Sad?”

Mark giggled at the reaction as he continued,

“So, this ... arbitrary person, in which we will surround this project around, is sad that he feels like he is not following the rules of what society made. The rules that were established to instruct how everyone should live in order to be happy,”

Suddenly losing a bit of confidence, Mark looked off to the side to find the right words to not sound so lame in his mind,

“And I guess… with the second part… we can add some object or person that comes into this person’s life. Showing him a different perspective, maybe showing color or something? That’s where our photography can come in to where maybe we can make the photo half black and white, and the other half, in color,”

Jongin stared intently at the younger with quiet sounds of agreement. Mark was all of the sudden beginning to feel like his idea was a little dumb and he almost didn’t want to finish his thoughts, but he’s already gone this far with his embarrassment that he might as well go till the end.

“And with our last piece… our mixed media piece… we can add like fake pieces of glass or broken chains. This can resemble him breaking out of the societal norm, which would obviously be the glass or chains, and show him holding hands with someone. Showing that he has fully accepted that it’s not completely ideal to live in the rules of what society says, but instead, to do what’s best for one’s self… if that made any sense at all,”

Mark scratched the back of his head as he chuckled in nervousness. He honestly couldn’t guess what Jongin was thinking. When the older finally let out a large sigh, initially making Mark more antsy, was when he let out a response,

“You know, I’ve always had this impression of you, Mark-ssi. That you were full of so much creativity and intellect. That it was just impossible for me to see you as anything less than sincere,”

Mark wasn’t very sure of where the sentence was going and he was half expecting Jongin to roast him for his lack of creativity. But the older finished with a,

“And my thoughts on you still remain the same after hearing your ideas. I think that is a good base we can run with,”

Letting out a deep breath, Mark replied,

“Thanks, I think you think too highly of me though,”

It was common for the older to flatter Mark, especially nowadays as they spent more time around each other. Even through their text messages, Jongin had at one point asked him about Canada and what life was like in New York. When Mark was telling him his life stories about his childhood in New York, Jongin was quick to text back, "Oh that's so cool!" to whatever basic story Mark shared. Even with the one story he's told about saving a squirell from getting ran over by a bike when he was ten years old was a story that seemed to truly impress the older a lot. For once, talking about himself didn't feel so shallow and lame, as someone as impressive and talented as Kim Jongin made Mark seem so interesting.

And though Mark was basking in the praises the senior would shower him with, Mark often felt undeserving and empty with receiving them. 

Hearing the deflected comment Mark had made, the older sensed the younger’s doubt and had insisted,

“What do you mean? You’re a dedicated person who is genuine in every aspect of life... and everyone sees that, Mark-ssi. You might think no one notices how much thought you put into everything… but if it means anything, I’ve been watching you for a while,”

Mark’s eyes widened at the thought of Jongin apparently noticing him for a long time.

_'If it means anything?' It means a whole lot for him to say something like that?_

It hardly made any sense in Mark’s mind. He should’ve noticed somehow? But Mark continued, ruffling his hair as he gave a hopeless smile,

“Heh… uh. I don’t know. I just feel like I’m… sort of plain. Like, nothing is really special about me,”

Kim Jongin had a blank face as he stared into Mark’s downcasted eyes, towards the floor. Then he suddenly leaned closer on their dining room table to urge some sort of eye contact for the sincere message he was about say,

“You’re far from ordinary. Almost everyone I’ve heard talk about you always boast about how you never give up on what you want. I can’t imagine how it must’ve felt to come to a new country, away from the familiarity of your home, yet, was able to learn Korean better than everyone here and still make everyone’s day with your presence. And that's only a speck of the many other things that make you so... not ordinary,”

It was quiet for a while as Mark fully took in the words. 

_ What is even happening right now? He is full on making me feel like I’m a king. _

Mark was pulled out of his thoughts when he felt the older’s palm petting his hair. He finally looked up to Jongin’s bright eyes and smirk, holding the eye contact as Mark felt trapped in Jongin's energy. The older continued,

“You should think more highly of yourself. You have a lot to offer the world. Why do you think everyone loves you so much?”

The older slowly slid his hand away from the younger’s head, as he looked off to the side, a bit longingly,

“Kind of a random subject... but when I was growing up I’ve always stuck by my dance-hyungs . They were my family from the beginning of my growth. I didn’t really try to make friends outside from them. It was really hard for me to break out of my shell and see anyone worth the same amount of friendship I put into my childhood friends,” 

Jongin had a look of embarrassment mixed with sadness as he sighed,

“...Especially since everyone already thought I was really intimidating… and all of the rumors that kept popping up about me. It made it even harder for me to really trust anyone. I saw everyone as a phony. So ever since my hyungs graduated, I’ve basically been on my own. I still have Sehun and all, but we hardly see each other now. So I’ve been kind of a loner honestly, especially since people already thought I was scary enough, heh..”  
  
Mark’s eyebrows furrowed at the thought, sadly imagining the older’s misunderstood demeanor to people in a school setting. Though he can partly blame himself as well for seeing Jongin as some untouchable celebrity, he can proudly say that Kim Jongin has went way past his own expectations. 

The older cleared his throat abruptly, as he blushed slightly,

“And I guess whenever I would see you, always surrounded by so many friends, I became somewhat envious and a little curious. You were always smiling, letting out that contagious laugh. I wanted to kind of be like you,"

Mark had a brief heart attack hearing that sentence with major disbelief. He always saw it as the other way around, but he was discovering new things with every sentence Jongin had spouted. The older finished with,

"That’s when I slowly became to learn more about you through other people. Finally being put into an art class with you, gave me a first hand view of who you were. I was always shy around you,”

Mouth dry and at a loss for words, Mark uttered slowly,

“Whoa.... seriously?”

Mark scoffed at his own response. He didn’t know how to take in the information that his crush seemed to be shy around the younger. He let the older continue,

“Honestly, if you hadn’t ever approached me about your gym bag the first time, I would’ve probably never done anything about my fondness for you. We might’ve never ended up here,”  
  
Chuckling at the thought, Mark half-heartedly thanked his hyungs for causing him to lose his gym bag that one fateful practice day. The younger thanked the older as he leaned forward, now allowing himself to look into Jongin’s adorable puppy eyes,

“Well, thank you for always making me feel so…. “

Mark made a vague gesture, shaping a huge circle with his arms. Jongin chuckled,

“Fat?”

Caught off-guard from the random answer, the younger burst out in laughter as he tried to correct him between gasps,

“I don’t know how to…. fully put into words ahah. But you just make me fulfilled. I guess,”

Jongin gave a longing look to Mark, as he proposed an offer,

“Hey, you should come to my game tomorrow. It’s gonna be after school at the gym,”

If Mark had to be honest, he has been going to many Varsity games ever since he was in middle school. But the fact that the older was personally inviting him was what made his heart skip a beat. There were many thoughts running through his head, going through why Jongin inviting him to watch his game felt so personal. 

Who was Mark to say no? He agreed with his casual demeanor, ignoring his beating chest.

“I’ll come to your game tomorrow, Jongin-hyung,”

The older’s expression changed very suddenly. 

_ Oh shit. Is it too soon to call him hyung? Damn, I really just turned this “good-vibes” conversation to an awkward one, so quick. _

Finally easing the younger’s anxieties, the older responded out of nowhere with a,

“Please just call me Kai-hyung from now on. Not a lot people get to call me that, but I feel like, with you, it’s okay,”

Unprepared for the declaration, Mark stuttered an affirmation as Kai nodded cheerily.

_Kai... what a simple yet... cute name. I feel so full knowing he trusts me enough to let me call him that._

**

With the gym filled to the brim with chanting teens, Mark was hyped, to say the least.

This game had been an eventful one from the moment the ball dropped. Not that it was any different from the past games he had attended. But he felt that personal deed to cheer his hyung, Kai-hyung, on from the bleachers. He had to be a bit subtle about it, not getting too excited around his friends who were currently chatting it up beside him. Next to him sat his junior varsity mates, Jeno, Jaemin, and Renjun. They came to cheer members from their friend group, Chenle, Lucas, and Jisung, so Mark took that opportunity to be by their side.

“What do you think, Mark?”

Renjun poked the older's cheek, Mark instinctively swatting the gross cheeto-dust covered finger away,

“You seem really focused on this game. Do you think our Varsity team is gonna win?”

Mark chest fluttered with giddiness as he looked down at the scoreboard. With it being 23 - 25, Mark can say it’s a pretty close game. He watched eagerly at his sweating senior. The man wearing a red headband holding back his silver strands was showing off his polished muscles flexing with every throw. And it was worth mentioning the animal-like gaze Kai wore when he was focused on stealing the ball, which Mark couldn't deny was a ridiculously hot look on him.

Distracted by Kai for a moment, Mark almost forgot to respond to the younger’s question. Without taking his eyes off the player on court scoring a flawless longshot, Mark nodded as he replied casually,

“Yeah,”  
  
Renjun raised an eyebrow as he tried to follow to Mark’s line of sight, Jeno and Jaemin peering over at Mark as they noticed as well,

**

Their varsity team ended up losing by one point, but they certainly didn’t go down without a fight.

Half disappointed, Mark was still immensely proud of Kai’s hard participation in the game. They were carried by the MVP, and the crowd couldn’t agree less when it came to chanting Jongin’s name for half the game.

Everyone was coming off of the bleachers and Mark went to follow. His three friends went down to Chenle, Lucas, and Jisung to congratulate them, chatting for a moment. Mark loosely followed behind for a bit, contributing bits and pieces to their small talk. His mind was elsewhere as his eyes looked off to the senior currently giving a small pep-talk to a few members and the coach. Another look Mark liked on Kai was that serious, authoritative look. He only got to see this side to Kai when he was playing on the court, and to be comfortable enough to actually stare and take in those features was a blessing. Mark really got to see the passionate and genuine side to Jongin like this.

When the group finally broke off, Mark was quick to walk towards Kai with a wide smile. Kai locked eyes with Mark for a moment and gave a shallow smirk. Mark had to be careful not stray his eyes to Kai’s sweat-coated, toned body while also holding back a drool.

  
Kai grinned widely upon striding over to Mark,

“Thanks for coming. I’m a little embarrassed that we couldn’t win,”

Mark gaped at the senior as he waved off,

“Oh please, you were killing it out there. I can see that you have a real passion for the game, so it was fun seeing you get like that. Also you play better than all of the guys on my team, seriously. Don't be embarrassed,”

Kai let out a chuckle as he shyly massaged the back of his neck. Mark’s eyes briefly followed the toned biceps that formed.

“Well, I really wanted to impress you, knowing that I told you to come,”

“...That’s _not_ a very hard thing to do when it comes to me,”

“Oh, really now?”

Mark thought he was quiet when he had let out that fact. But with the mischievous eyebrow raise he earned from Kai, Mark decided that maybe it wasn’t such a slip up. Mark didn’t know when he became so shameless with his flirting. It certainly did things for his confidence at that moment. He wanted to see Kai flustered like this... more.

There were people calling for Kai from the back, presumably from his dance-hyungs. Kai deflated slightly as he sighed,

“Well, I gotta go. My friends are calling for me. I’ll text you later, and stuff. Thanks for coming, again,”  
  
Mark smiled as he waved off to Kai jogging back. He took this time to stare at Kai for the nth time that night, letting the highs of talking to his crush roll out of his joints. It wasn't until he felt a firm shove to his shoulder was when reality kicked back in. He saw his three friends hop eagerly and light-heartedly shaking the shit out of Mark's frail shoulders. Jaemin exclaimed first,

“Dude, what was that? You’re close with Kim Jongin?”

He heard all three guys let out surprised noises as Mark couldn’t let a word out.

“You guys were really flirting it up just now. And he _invited you_ to this match?! Wow, bro,”

Mark shook his head, bashfully laughing at the assumptions,

“Okay, we weren’t flirting. I was just telling him that he did a good job,”

Renjun rolled his eyes,

“We heard the whole conversation. He was grinning at you like he was your boyfriend,”  
  


Mark scoffed,

“You guys are being ridiculous, it's-,”

Jeno interrupted excitedly,

“I can’t believe you’re actually dating Kim Jongin. THE Kim Jongin. Congratulations. Hope we get invited to the wedding,”

The guys went off on their shenanigans and Mark decided to give up and let them have their moment. He didn’t think that his subtle mannerisms towards the senior would come off so strong, but at this point he didn’t mind it anymore.

The thought of Kim Jongin actually being his boyfriend sounded so blissful in his mind. Cheering him on in the bleachers, as his boyfriend. Hanging out at his house after games, as his boyfriend. 

Mark couldn’t help himself from smiling at the thought. Jeno immediately noticed and pointed at the Canadian’s smile as he laughed,

“You’re so in love with him. It’s crazy how wide your smile is right now,”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just Mark and Kai bein' fluffy and stuff.


	4. Touch Me, Tease Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve been off work these past few days and I have Thanksgiving weekend off. SO I JUST WANNA FINISH THIS FIC ALREADY. I’m proud of how my lazy ass might actually be able to finish this

With three weeks passed, Mark could confidently say that their project was coming along very well. The art pieces were looking more alive than he had anticipated it being from when he first introduced the idea to Kai. And, ofcourse, Kai was always cooperative and even enthusiastic in adding in new flairs to their project as the weeks came along. With every minute spent together, Mark was unraveling new sides to Kai.

The first piece was a watercolor piece that was mostly done by Kai with a few touch ups done by Mark. An indigo-colored silhouette had its reflection casted on a river, which was filled with trash and litter. Mark expressed that as a reflection of one’s happiness, following society’s way of life.

The second piece was a portrait of Kai’s side profile, as Mark eagerly insisted him as being the more fit subject for his photogenic features (the debate went on for a while though as Kai heavily insisted that Mark had visually pleasing features as well). The shot of his hyung was taken during the golden hour, but with photoshop, Mark made half of it being in color and the other half being monotone. Kai explained the meaning as one having the light shine on him, but also having a bit of doubt amongst finding himself. 

And lastly, the mixed piece involved the pieces of broken glass, as Mark suggested, surrounding a drawing of two hands being held. Mark and Kai both agreed that this would be the stage in one’s life where they learn to live the way they want and embrace the person they are inside. 

Mark admits that art was definitely not his strongest suit, which was probably why the project became such a huge stressor for his semester. Hours spent in Kai’s living room consisted of mostly Mark doubting himself and his creative skills. Frankly, Kai was not going to let Mark struggle on his own and was whole-heartedly supportive when Mark would curse at himself.

And it’s one of the things Mark loves about being around Kai.

Mark can safely say that having a friend like Kai was a major win on his part. But what he hated the most was how his mind couldn’t help but stray in not-so-platonic places when Kai would inch closer to Mark’s side as they painted. 

The tangy citrusy-cologne Kai bared would cloud Mark’s scent, making him crave to nestle into Kai’s neck. Even when Jongin would simply be painting with a rested facial expression, Mark’s mind dared to wonder about the taste of his pursed lips. 

He always had to pull himself back and not become such a horn-dog around the senior. Mark was certainly going down the rabbit hole of lovesickness with every moment spent by Kai.

**

“Mark, do you want something to drink? Like some alcohol?”

Abruptly stopping the strokes of his painting, Mark couldn’t help the shocked noise that came out upon hearing Kai’s offer.

“...Sure?”

Kai dorkily chuckled as he went towards the cabinets and continued,

“I just thought it would be good to rest from working so hard this past month. We’re basically done now, so we should relax a little,”

Mark nodded, trying his hardest not to grin too hard from the exhilaration. They sat beside each other on the wooden floor of Kai’s living room with red solo cups.

The pair continued to down a few mixed drinks filled with fruit punch per Mark’s request. He was a bit lankier than Kai’s broad figure, so he became a rambly mess within a matter of minutes. Mark was definitely more fluid in his appearance as he swayed around, singing off key to his music.

At one point, Mark’s stomach had ached from laughing hysterically at Kai’s attempt at trying to speak solely in English. The pauses Kai took as he looked to Mark’s eyes for help and his limited vocabulary had made Mark clap and whine “Cuuuute” at the older. It was a comfortable, laid back atmosphere.

However, when Kai got up to go to the kitchen, he had been slightly grooving to the rap music playing from Mark’s phone. Mark almost forgot about how Kai was well known for his dancing skills and had became entranced in a show Jongin was unknowingly giving. The smooth and seductive sway of the older’s hips had Mark holding in his breath. It momentarily took him out of the playful mood.

Kai sensed the staring and had snapped his head back just in time to catch Mark’s eyes unconvincingly aimed at the window.

“Were you just staring at my ass?”

Mark scoffed,

“Wha- how could you accuse me of such atrocities,”

_ Wooooow. Can I please just keep it in my pants for once? He definitely thinks I’m a creep now _. 

Kai noted the reaction as he came back with a few bottles of water.

Their fingers lightly touched as Kai handed a bottle over, and yes Mark's heart did indeed skip a beat with just that simple notion. The younger chugged the bottle, back leaned against the bottom-half of the sofa. He couldn’t help the way Kai’s intense stare on him was making him gulp loudly. Resting the bottle by his side, Mark chuckled as he wiped his lips,

“What? Ahaha... do I have some spinach stuck in my teeth?”

Kai broke into a knowing grin as he answered simply with,

“Nope,” 

Chuckling awkwardly at the reply, he stayed maintaining eye contact with Jongin. 

It was just the two teens in the house, as Kai had mentioned before that his parents worked late. With the sun setting quickly, the room was flooded with a honey glow. The view Mark was granted of Kai with this lighting was too mesmerizing. 

Memories of before he knew his senior sprouted, and he became heavily nostalgic at how far their relationship had developed. From knowing the senior solely off of his pretty face to knowing what flavor of ice cream the older prefers best. 

As a drunk Mark was deep in his nostalgia, still staring at the senior, Jongin had gradually scooted right into Mark’s personal space. This notion immediately pulled Mark out of his thoughts, actively aware of how Kai was now inches from counting the hairs on Mark’s eyelashes. His panicked state caused him to sober up a little.

Suddenly, he felt Kai’s thumb smear a thick-cold liquid onto his cheek. 

“What the-”

“It’s paint,”

Mark was now cracking up at the fact that Kai had just painted on his face out of nowhere.

“Ah- oh come on man. Now I probably look like an even bigger doofus than I did before. Though I didn’t think that was possible,”

Kai’s facial expression was unreadable as he softly spoke to the younger,

“You will never look like a doofus to me. No matter what, you will always be handsome,”

Mark’s eyes widened to the size of spacers, as he couldn’t fully process the situation he was in right now.

_ Am I tripping or is he actually flirting with me? Like is he being serious or is he just joking. _

Mark sewed his shoulders in tight to hide the nervous sweat accumulated from the direction of where their conversation was heading.

The older had one knee propped up with his arm loosely hanging, other leg stretched out. His pose was laid back and confident whilst making an inferior Mark shrink and feel undeserving of the flattery. Mark decided to verbalize his thoughts, mostly mumbling to himself,

“Why do you always do that?”  
  


Baring a slightly worried expression, Kai asked,

“Do what?”

Mark gulped as he hesitated for a second,

“Why do you always make me feel like I’m a king, or something,”

It was a hypothetical question that Mark wasn’t really expecting an answer to. He doesn’t even know why he had said that out-loud, but he’ll put the blame on blabbermouth-drunken-Mark. Fuck that guy.

But that sentence might’ve sparked something within Kai as his eyes then carried a slight seductive glint. The older looked down at Mark’s pink lips while he licked his own. He then planted his arm by Mark's hip as he scooted embarrassingly close into Mark’s space. Kai whispered in that freaking low and sexy voice of his, with complete seriousness,

“Want me to show you how a king should actually be treated?”

Half guessing what the implications were, Mark decided to go along with it as he nodded unsure of the offer.

Kai’s eyes turned tender. He then placed his palm onto Mark’s heated face, eyes switching between Mark’s lips and eyes. Lastly, Kai then affirmed to the tense younger,

“If you don’t like it, just push me off.. okay?”

Merely going with the flow, Mark’s eyes weighed down as Kai crowded into Mark's vision. And before he knew it, he felt Kai’s tender lips firmly pursing with Mark’s own. Kai's unbelievably soft lips stunned Mark as this was definitely a new experience.... it being Mark’s first kiss.

For a while, the two were letting their lips adjust very slightly, harsh sighs coming from the few gaps of breath they gave each other. He felt the same thumb used to paint Mark’s cheek now smearing dry acrylic over the same spot, done eagerly as the older grew more keen.

Mark’s lower back had started to ache because of his awkward position on the wooden floor. So he leaned more back against the sofa, in which Kai then greedily chased after the lips. Slightly bashful doing so, Mark widely spread his bent legs to invite the older completely into his space. Kai accepted the invitation while somehow letting their lower regions not touch.

Amping up the heat, Kai pressed Mark's chest firmly against the sofa, unpainted hand used to lightly grip Mark’s waist. Mark hugged his arms around the older’s neck, one hand carded in the silver undercut. 

A lick teased Mark’s lips and when Mark had opened his mouth, he had unintentionally let out a soft, wanton moan as he felt a grind to his crotch. Kai smiled against his lips for a moment, before going back to tongue into Mark’s panting mouth. 

The faint taste of vodka was a reminder for Mark that they were both not sober and that maybe what they were doing wasn’t the best idea. But who was he to deny his body’s needs? He truly did need the feeling of Kai’s lips, even just once. In the bright golden colored living room, with their bodies shifting in sync with the appropriately-matched RnB music and their equal desperation ("Daniel Caesar - Take Me Away" has Mark melting with the mood), it almost felt like a movie. It felt unreal.

Mark’s mind was getting dangerously explicit as he felt Jongin’s hand sneaking under Mark’s sweatshirt. 

Kai's cold fingers on his stomach must've turned on some sirens in Mark's head as he was now freaking out slightly and didn't know where this was going. Deciding to end things before it got too physical, Mark rested his palms on the older’s firm chest and pressed slightly. The older got the hint instantly and separated. Mark saw the way the Kai’s eyes were searching for something that might have indicated discomfort. 

Frankly, the only discomfort Mark felt resided in the skinny pants that he decided to wear today.

But he chuckled slightly in means of trying to ease Kai’s obvious concerns,

“Ah- I think I’m just gonna head off now. My parents probably want me back for dinner soon, so… uh- yeah,”

Kai cleared his throat as he quickly got up off the wooden floor and started cleaning around the living room, which was no longer filled with the sun’s glow,

“Yeah, ofcourse. I-I understand,”

Mark confusingly observed the older’s now uptight demeanor. Moments ago, things seemed to be very relaxed. But now, the air felt thicker and a little awkward. Mark didn’t know what to do as he silently went to help the older clean.

When they were done, Mark walked to the front door about to exit. But not until he turned one last time to the sheepish-looking older, standing slightly far from the entrance.

Mark gave a small smile as he expressed softly,

“Thank you again… for today. I’ll see you later, hyung,”

Kai waved, giving a reserved smile as he replied,

“Goodbye, Mark-ssi,”

As Mark walked out to the grey-skied dusk, he brought his hand to his cheeks, paint slightly dry now and cheeks failing to calm down from his prior excitement. Letting the dry paint run against his timid fingers allowed for his thoughts to finally catch up to his soberness.

_ Well, that was ... fun? Maybe? I don’t know why I left feeling so… weird... about everything though. It also sucks that I can’t walk properly with this damn rock-hard boner right now. _

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... so how about that new EXO comeback, huh? Jk- but anyways, I’m probably gonna write one last chapter and then have a bonus spIcY chapter towards the end. Wow I’m almost done already. Pls leave a comment juseyo~ thanks for reading!


	5. Lovesick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ** EDIT: dude I just realized I released this chapter on the SAME EXACT DAY I released my first chapter last year. Wow that was not intended. That’s crazy** 
> 
> Guys I’m not gonna lie. I had this in my drafts for nearly a year HAHAHA- I’ m SORRY. I just really didn’t like it at alll but after kinda just sitting on it, I’ve decided I can build off of this story and finally conclude this. Sorry to those who have been waiting! I’m lame.

“Alright, so if I were legit a citizen that means I don’t have to defend myself right? Like there would be nooooo way I’d be suspected of being a mafia yet?”

Jaemin roared out in laughter as he pointed at the clueless blonde,

“What the heck! You don’t even know how to play this game! Guys, Jeno is definitely a mafia. He’s so suspicious,”

Jeno squawked, flailing his arms at his bubblegum haired boyfriend,

“Wha- babe! It’s obviously you who doesn’t know how to play the game. How does what I just said make me a mafia?”

“Ah, too late you already have 4 votes against you,” Jaemin motioned to the 4 boys blankly pointing at Jeno, “You have to take 4 sips now!”

The tipsy teens cheered in their little circle, psyched to see Jeno down his cup rather sloppily, spilling all over Jaehyun’s poor carpet. It’s a wonder how he still invites the underage crew to drink with them so often.

The others that currently sat In the mafia circle were Jisung, Chenle, Renjun, Haechan, and (by force) Mark. They were causing chaos in Jaehyun’s living room floor, which didn’t really matter since there were currently fifteen other people socializing in all rooms. 

Mark had no participation in the mafia circle, sitting behind Donghyuck and being a silent spectator. Donghyuck turned his head to the side, grin wearing off as he took in Mark’s downcasted eyes.

“Can you please try and have a little fun tonight? You’re making me sober up with your emo-energy,”

Mark scoffed,

“‘Emo-energy’? Seriously?”

Mark threw his freshly sweat-stained basketball jacket into the younger’s face and went to take a tiny sip from his first (and possibly only) drink for the night. Immediately flinging the jacket back at the Canadian and missing, Donghyuck whined,

“Ugh, Johnny! Tell this Canadian to stop being such a loser!”

Mark heard a slurred-English voice coming from the kitchen, tone identical to that of a scolding mom only Johnny doesn’t sound too convincing right now,

“Markie-poooooh, you need t..to have FUN now,”

The American then tended back to his very heated and non-sober discussion with Ten, probably arguing about their sappy boyfriend issues per usual.

Honestly, seeing Johnny and Ten and the rest of his friends being all coupley tonight made Mark a bit bitter. It wasn’t any better now that everyone was intoxicated and obnoxiously horny. He wasn’t hiding his irritation very well, making a sour face anytime Taeyong and Doyoung would affectionately whisper in each others’ ears, or when Jeno and Jaemin took turns placing kisses on each others’ noses. 

Or even worse, seeing Donghyuck being uncharacteristically bashful and voice pitching high like he was nine in front of a relaxed, indifferent Taeil. Those moments specifically had Mark gagging.

Renjun stuck his head out of the mafia circle to see Mark’s head ducked down, mindlessly stirring his cup of jack. He announced,

“Guys, he’s probably dealing with his own boyfriend issues at the moment. Let him be the sad drunk for once,”

That caused the small crowd of boys even from other rooms to have their full attention on the Canadian. A muteness took over the atmosphere to where the dripping coming from the kitchen sink was the loudest thing in the room. Mark loathed the focus on him. He really was not in the mood tonight.

Yuta, playing Uno with Lucas, Doyoung, and Jungwoo, shouted out from the dining room,

“What? Mark has a boyfriend? How did I not hear about this?”

Mark let out a harsh sigh as he avoided the intense eye-contact everyone was sending. He heard Donghyuck spat,

“Right? He never said anything about it to me, and I’m his best friend! I had to hear from big-mouth Chenle here,”

Suddenly a laughing dolphin was upon the living room, along with a few claps for Donghyuck’s bluntness. The tension was slightly lightened for a moment, yet Mark grimly ducked his head further down. Ofcourse gossip would travel in their circle, despite the assumptions being false. The Canadian mumbled, still loud enough for everyone to hear,

“He was never a boyfriend. It was never like that,”

In that moment, it was clear to everyone else that the usual hype, go-lucky attitude Mark usually carried at parties was just not in him tonight. It was then that everyone wordlessly sympathized and said nothing more as they tended back to their activities. Donghyuck was more shameless however and nudged at Mark’s knees,

“Cheer up man, I know he seemed a little out of your league, but you were actually able to talk to Kim Jongin! He’s like… suuper hot, man. It’s still pretty cool how you guys were able to become so close,”

It really wasn’t, Mark thought to himself. That was probably the suckiest thing out of everything thus far, that they were able to become so close, yet it was like Mark was just left on a shelf after their prior encounter.

The last time Jongin had last said anything to Mark was last Friday, a full week of silence since then. And while that shouldn’t cause any major concern, the fact that their last interaction involved some… kisses… worried Mark...

** 

That evening in Kim Jongin’s living room, with his head-aching with vodka and clammy hands clutching onto Kai’s tight v-neck was his first somewhat sexual experience. Though Mark wasn’t proud of it, the closest thing he had prior was his hand being held at a middle school winter formal with Kim Yerim. 

It was certainly out of pity since his “true-love” at the time rejected him, and Yeri, being the sympathetic friend, agreed to go with him to try to make his “true-love'' jealous (A request made by Mark). Needless to say, that night consisted of his crush disregarding his longing stares, and Mark accidentally spilling pepsi all over Yeri’s dress. 

The trauma from middle school convinced a naive-Mark that he wasn’t attractive nor charming enough to score anything better than a limp hand held by a female friend. And this mentality continued into high school… until recently. 

His whole world flipped on an axis the moment Kai flourished him with overwhelming attention, a concept that Mark was foreign to. Kim Jongin saw something in Mark that made him want to place his perfect lips onto Mark’s dry ones. It almost felt like a love bombing situation.

He was glad he stopped the escalation though his horny brain disagreed. He wouldn’t have known how to feel if he had his first kiss and first screw all in the same night. He could sense that it probably wouldn’t have left him feeling any better than he does now. 

Since that eventful evening, the thought of… just simply…. “why him?” clouded his brain.

Why did Kim Jongin kiss him? What were the intentions he had that might’ve simply meant nothing to Kai yet meant a myriad of uncertainties to Mark?

In that moment, Mark felt nothing but butterflies and growing heat as the older burned Mark’s frail torso with his tentative fingers, holding him with so much fragility. But as the sobriety finally caught up to him, days of letting the night really marinate, Mark stopped seeing it as an accomplishment and festered more concerns. With the more days that passed, the more hours of sleep Mark lost because of his incomprehension of the situation.

It had been a week since the last time the two spared a word to each other. Mark could let Kai off the hook (just a bit) for having to participate in overseas travel for their Varsity basketball tournament the past week. However, it was normal for the two to text constantly before everything went down. And it appeared to Mark that Jongin must’ve reconsidered some things which prompted him to ghost Mark.

The art teacher had moved on to finish up their in-class clay structures from earlier that month. It also didn’t help that Hyuck has since returned from Hawaii and returned to yapping Mark’s ear off, telling his endless vacation stories about sunny beaches and surfing lessons (Oh, what a vacation his friend. Mark was definitely not jealous).

It was back to the way it was, like how it was before Mark became close to Kai. Mark felt an ache with the thought of acting like nothing ever happened between them. It felt like every laugh shared together, every moment spent opening up to one another about their insecurities, all of those moments he had experienced within the past month was Mark being too hopeful. 

As if Kim Jongin had just been fluffing him up, making Mark grow attached to the older with his charms, only to get into Mark’s pants. That when Mark rejected him of any further action was when Kai left Mark in a forgotten box accumulating dust and mold. 

Afraid of confrontation and his worries being a reality, Mark opted to ignore the senior and not talk about it... as did the senior, it seemed. 

**

And since then, Mark had been moody to all of his friends, even now as he sat playing on his phone, not joining in on the fun his dearest friends were having.

With two soft taps on Mark’s shoulder, an unexpected Taeyong placed himself next to Mark on the floor. The older murmured,

“Whats up? Did you want to step out to talk or anything?”

It seemed Taeyong overheard the commotion in the living room and turned on his motherly-instincts. If Mark were to be honest, he was still a little embarrassed about the situation, but Taeyong tends to give the best hugs and words of encouragement. So Mark nodded, the two getting up right away to talk on the balcony.

Taeyong stood about five feet apart from Mark, giving the younger some space to think. For a while the two just looked out on the view, only audible sound being the wind and muffled voices from inside. With a lot of thinking, Mark hesitantly started,

“It’s just been a lot this past month. But this last week... was just a lot more... stuff happening all at once,”

Taeyong hummed as he nodded in understanding, not wanting to interrupt the younger’s struggles to verbalize his thoughts,

“You know, I just liked him a lot more than I thought I did. And when I realized that, it’s like he instantly became a part of my life. At one point, we were like this, hyung,”

Mark crossed his fingers, emphasizing his point.

“That’s like close as me and Donghyuck, which is rare. So… it’s kind of confusing. I didn’t know if he was just bored or was in the heat of the moment. But, he just kissed me out of the blue… and that was my first kiss dude!”

Taeyong raised an unconvinced eyebrow,

“Oh really? That’s kind of surprising,”

“Well, you have to consider the fact that I’ve never experienced much… “action” from anyone else before him. So it totally screwed with my head with the way he had been treating me like nothing all week,”

Mark creased deep dents onto his plastic cup and downed the drink in one go. Mark made a disgusted face reflecting the horribly mixed drink by Lucas and his resentment towards Jongin. The feelings of abandonment came rushing through his body, making him frustrated again. 

A bit hesitant at first, Taeyong finally decided to ask,

“And who is this you’re talking about now?”

A pause. Mark let out a shallow chuckle as he replied, defeated,

“...Kim Jongin,”

Taeyong’s mouth dropped,

“Oh wow… probably the most thirsted-over senior at your school huh,”

Mark continued,

“Yeah, well… we basically made out at his house when we finished our project. We were partners for a month, by the way which is how we got close. Anyways, It got kind of heated, and I told him to stop. And- I don’t know. He’s been silent since then… and it really isn’t like him,”

Taeyong firmly rubbed his chin, not showing a definite emotion until he eventually sighed,

“Mark, you know I always want what’s best for you so don’t take this the wrong way,” 

Mark finally looked up at the eldest, subconsciously holding his breath as he anticipated his reply. Taeyong finally finished with a,

“....but it’s probably best to stay away from a guy like Kim Jongin,”

The two stayed eyeing each other, Mark pacing slightly in place. The eldest continued,

“To be honest, all throughout high school I only heard bad things about him. I mean, I don’t know much about him except for his reputation. Seemed like he’s used to pulling this sort of stuff with a lot of girls though,”

Mark was hoping for a better response but was unfortunately also expecting this. He knew these things seemed too good to be true. 

Ofcourse, why would the man that so many girls and guys would kill to lay their hands on go for such a mediocre, boring guy like Mark. It never made sense to Mark all this time. He figured he was probably just an easy target, and Mark foolishly fell into Kai’s charms.

Fists tightened, Mark leaned to the edge of the balcony with the city lights below, trying to calm his frantic pulse. The chilling wind calmed him down a bit, but his mind couldn’t stop feeding into the heartache. He felt like the words “fool” were plastered on his head. He rightfully buried his head down into his elbows, trying to hide the shame. 

Granted, there was no amount of alcohol or fun he could get through tonight that would fix his humiliation. So he had to go home.

**

Taeyong agreed to take him back early, being one of the designated drivers anyways, and was silent throughout the drive. Mark rested his cheek on the icy car window, eyes taking in the desolate streets of Cheongdamdong. 

Mark momentarily visualized holding Kai’s hands as they walked on those streets. A scene taking place on a Friday night, doing a bit of 1 AM window shopping and Kai repeatedly commenting on how Mark would look good in an outfit. And then Mark deflecting, saying how Kai’s figure could literally compliment everything. 

Mark physically shook his head to pull the pointless image out of his lovesick head. 

His mind always came back to Kai, even after all the current resentment he held against him. Subconsciously, he still craved to hold the older’s hand and interlace himself into them, as well as into the elder's heart.

They were never more than friends yet Mark could imagine the hurt he was feeling would’ve been no different from a break up. He wished the pure moments that they shared were as special to Jongin as they were with Mark. He just wished he meant so much more.

Mark isn’t sure if it’s his hopeful thinking or his naivety, but he has the littlest bit of belief that Jongin isn’t actually a monster…

**

Finally, when Taeyong drove into the parking lot, the older man turned his body to the backseat, taking in the younger’s dimmed eyes fixated on the moon.

Nudging softly at Mark’s knee, Taeyong mumbled apologetically,

“Hey Mark, I know I said all those things about Jongin earlier… but maybe you should actually give him the benefit of the doubt..”

Mark’s eyes slowly glazed over to Taeyong, staying silent and stoic,

“Maybe talk to him. Despite the rumors and his player reputation, I don’t think it’s fair to not give him the chance to tell his side. You certainly know him the best out of many people from school,”

A little annoyed, Mark blurted out without even thinking,

“But I don’t actually know him. That’s the thing,”

There was an unspoken wind, whispering to the two teens that what Mark said was false. Taeyong knew it wasn’t true, going off of how Mark spoke so confidently about his senior prior.

And Mark especially knew it wasn’t true… for the most part. He thinks back to the long conversations and texts the two exchanged, merely exploring each other’s worlds and minds which made them fall deeper into each other. 

Or atleast, made Mark fall into his words, if what Kai had been spouting to him was actually all bullshit.

It was a frustrating cycle of doubts he was stuck in. He just didn’t know what to think anymore. He clenched his teeth as he felt a slight headache forming.

“Think back to last year, hyung. All of those girls who knew I’d be easy to manipulate, taking advantage of my affection and making me look like a fool. Back then, I told myself I knew Eunji too,”

Mark felt his chest tighten, struggling to say the words out loud in the small space of Taeyong’s car,

“It was even more disappointing this time around with Kai because… he actually gave me physical touch and genuine care… it feels more permanent. Like damn, how messed up is that…” 

He was so tired of the same precedents happening to him, over and over. People seeing Mark as a joke, seeing his attempts at flirting as cringy and sad, and walking all over him when Mark selflessly threw his pride out..

With a growling grunt, Mark unforgivingly pounded his fist into the car seat under him, forming an indent. The act violently shook Taeyong’s small car, making the two teens sway slightly with the car. 

Taeyong was not having any of it,

“Mark. Enough,”

Mark’s pulse steadied as he let out his last few harsh breaths. His eyes never left the car floor, too ashamed to look up at the older who probably thought he was being dramatic. 

Slowly slouching back, Mark relaxed his jaw and finally replied back, voice weak and breaking,

“I’m sorry…”

Mark was thankful to have such a patient friend like Taeyong, especially in the moments when he lets his emotions out. Taeyong softened his eyes, trying to match the energy of the sorrowful teen, and whispered once more,

“You do know him… by the way you were saying you guys were this close..”

Taeyong crossed his fingers, reenacting the notion Mark made earlier, cracking a small grin from Mark for the first time that night,

“...I can tell you felt like Kai was someone who you thought you could really put your faith into. Have more confidence in yourself. You’re not as dumb as you think,”

Mark inhaled, about to object, but Taeyong was quicker,

“Nope, don’t say it. You’re not stupid. You’re really not. I think you know deep down who Kai really is. And I’m saying this because you’re very self-conscious and drunk right now, but I think you might be creating a false reasoning in your head just to make sense of the whole situation,”

Mark sewed his mouth tight, rubbing his elbows as he couldn’t come up with a comeback. Taeyong ended his ment with one last note,

“You know what you ultimately have to do Mark. You need to talk to him, the next oppurtunity you get.”

**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally finished my college classes so I’m able to find some time to devote myself to this story!!! ALSO irony that I’m going through this same exact drama in my own personal life like wow. At this point this story has become a vent ((((: Hope you enjoyed!! Please comment if you’d like <3


	6. Maybe, It's Not Our Fault

Mark let the basketball leap from his over-exerted arm and watched as it completely missed the hoop. 

Five A.M. practices before an after school game usually revealed a precursor on how well he would perform. And by the count of how many balls he made within the hour, an outstanding zero hoops, it wasn’t looking necessarily hopeful. 

Mark harshly rubbed his neck, letting out a deep breath, as the echo of the ball bouncing resonated throughout the gym. 

_ Come on, you gotta focus. _

He could hear his three teammates, waiting on Mark by the bleachers, mumbling amongst themselves. Practice ended ten minutes ago, yet Mark stayed behind. And his friends let him continue after seeing how tense he had been throughout the whole hour.

Silent seconds passed, and Mark just stood staring at the ground. With the looks of it, he looked to be done practicing now, and his friends took this cue to walk up to him.

Jaemin huddled Mark into an encouraging side-hug, 

“Alright Mark, so we’ve been talking about how to make you feel better. And we’ve decided on something that could make you feel better,”

Mark’s eyes turned grim as Jaemin softly patted his back,

“The only way one can get past their troubling emotions is to forget about said emotions and consume one’s mind with something… or someone new,”

Letting out an exasperated sigh, Renjun interrupted,

“Lord. It’s only been about two weeks of his sulking. Not two months! Let the man process,”

Mark agreed heavily with that statement but let his friends continue anyway. They’re trying. They really are.

Jaemin made a face to Renjun,

“We all know how well processing things go, Junnie. You need a distraction from your despair and intangible emotions. It’s what I had to do when Jeno failed to make things official after four months of us seeing each other!”

Looking off into the air with sullen eyes, Jaemin recounted the memory like it was centuries ago,

“Though I was losing sleep and letting the hopelessness consume my life, I knew I had to cover that despair with someone who would fill that void in me. Someone who maybe wasn’t Jeno. A bond that was so shallow, yet really carried me through that hopeless time…”

After a few beats of silence, Renjun side eyed to Jeno who Jaemin might’ve totally forgotten was standing right there. Renjun then chuckled,

“And look where that ended for you…”

Jaemin popped out of his nostalgia and chirped,

“Oh yeah, well eventually _ Dumb-no _ here came to his senses with that dense brain of his,”

“Yah!”

Jeno let out an offended huff as Jaemin continued with a sigh of peace,

“...And he finally claimed me as his after finding out about who I was seeing. He officially claimed me as his boyfriend. Wow… look where jealousy can le-,”

Shaking his head, Jaemin cleared his throat,

“Anyways, not the point…. or maybe that _ is _ th-”

Mark interrupted,

“Look, I appreciate you guys trying to help. But I don’t think it’s plausible for me to just end up in some… casual situationship… with the state that I’m in. No one would even spare me a second glance anyways…”

Jeno disagreed,

“Oh come on, don’t let your middle school trauma dictate your love life. I mean, come on hyung. You’re such a catch and a hottie now. It’d be such a waste of potential,”

Jaemin grinned amusingly as he stared at his boyfriend,

“Oh? Is there something I don’t know about Jeno? Should I leave you two to talk it out?”

Mark shook his head and finished with, 

“Alright, well you guys go ahead and run off to the showers now. I’m gonna try to get these next few shots in before class starts,”

And just like that Mark swiftly turned back to the lone ball in the corner, back to focusing on not being a screw up for the game.

The trio walked off, but not without Jaemin shouting back,

“Don’t worry. We’ll do the hard labor for you Mark! Just cause we care for your well-being. Unlike Kim Jo-”

Renjun whacked Jaemin’s back so firmly that it caused Jaemin to momentarily choke on his spit.

**

Mark jittered in his seat, leg bouncing, and pencil hastily spinning around his fingers. He knew that the Varsity team arrived back from their overseas travel (also overheard of their loss), and he was expecting a certain silver haired senior to walk in the classroom at any moment now.

Donghyuck rambled on and on, something about his mom’s savory kimchi chigae. Or maybe it was sundubu? Mark couldn’t really process any of the details either way. 

Mark dropped his pencil as he saw the dreaded figure walk in. Seizing his fidgets, the knot in his stomach tightly clutched.

Kai strutted in all nonchalant, suave and clean as ever. Dressed in a cuddly, grey turtleneck, complimenting the senior’s natural tan. His hair was gelled back, showcasing his clear forehead of any acne and lines. Mark was even more alert as he caught a whiff of his cologne, a cedar scent with a hint of mint, as Kai walked past Mark’s desk.

Kai didn’t even gaze towards Mark, like he usually would. No wave. No warm smile.

Ah yes. That familiar notion brought him back to their time as strangers. They really are nothing now, Mark concluded.

The younger caught on to Mark’s spacing when he had asked something about cat food and was met with silence from Mark,

Donghyuck snapped his fingers into Mark’s vision. Mark mumbled back to Donghyuck as his eyes darted around his desk.

“I don’t know. I’ve never really tried cat food before…”

Eyebrows raised, Donghyuck suppressed a cackle,

“What the- I wasn’t even talking about cat food. I was talking about Ten’s ungodly obsession with pickled cucumber,”

_ Ah same thing… _

When Mark made no further reaction, Donghyuck sighed like a disappointed father,

“My god. I gotta be honest, but you are seriously freaking me out. Did you even brush your hair or shave today? Don’t think you can hide behind that face mask. And what were you shaking your leg so intensely for anyways?

Mark said nothing more as his eyes stayed completely dim.

Donghyuck gazed to the other side of the room where a stoic Kim Jongin sat scrolling on his phone. Donghyuck caught on then. He shook his head and left Mark alone for the rest of the class.

Meanwhile, Mark was battling with himself internally, failing to focus in class. Having Kai just inches away made him melt in his seat. He was still clearly affected by the older. Excessive sweating and recounting of their time spent together clouded Mark‘s mind. He remembered Kai supporting him with the project. Kai’s friendly touches. Kai’s not so friendly touches. The smile of assurance and security that Mark could etch onto his brain for eternity. 

It doesn’t even feel right to call him Kai anymore.

Mark yearned for those familiar moments to come back.

**

The class bell rang for dismissal and Mark sat in his plastic chair for a while. Mark watched Kai’s back as the senior gets up hastily and walks out of the classroom. Mark felt like he could finally breathe now, letting out a loud huff.

Just then, Jeno and Jaemin walked over. Jaemin crouched to the front of Mark’s desk, phone in his hand with a mischievous grin.

_ Here we go. Never a good sign with that smile. _

Jaemin shoved his phone into Mark’s vision. On the screen was a Facebook profile.

“So this girl just moved here from an international school from Japan,”

Jaemin scrolled through her photos, Mark feeling wrong of the blatant stalk on this girl’s profile. Confused, Donghyuck peered over too. Donghyuck awed as he looked at the selfies of the blonde girl.

“Wow, she’s like… crazy pretty.”

Jaemin nodded with some sort of accomplished smile, “Her name is Aeri, she’s half Japanese and half Korean, but she also speaks really fluent English from what I hear. She’s definitely your type of girl, Mark,”

Mark vaguely looked at the profile of the beautiful girl. He won’t deny that she seems like a really nice, easy-going girl with the looks of all the extracurricular photos she had. Totally out of his league.

_ What will she see in me…? _

Snatching the phone out of vision for a moment, Jaemin fiddled with his phone. He returned back with a profile of a very frat-like man he’d seen around school. Jaemin resumed,

“There’s also this dude that Winwin showed me. He’s on the Varsity soccer team and a newly single man. You guys might have something to bond over,”

Donghyuck made a hissing noise as he exclaimed,

“Oh man. Look at the tone in his muscle. With him on top of me, I would easily forget any sort of sadness I had,”

This was getting to be too much for Mark. Jaw clenched, the plastic chair screeched as Mark got up suddenly, alarming his friends and silencing them completely. 

Jeno quietly reached out to Mark,

“Whoa, hey man… are you good?”

Mark grabbed his backpack and fast-walked to the door, leaving his friends in a stricken state, 

“I’ll catch you guys at the game,”

**

With the end of school, Mark only had 30 minutes before he had to show up to the court for the game. This was going to be the last game of the school year, and he was in no way prepared to give it his all. 

His phone was flooding with texts, apologies for how his friends were acting in the art class. Admittedly, he felt really bad that he had been pushing his friends away, when they were just so saddened to see Mark so broken. 

This was all a him problem after all. Mark had to be the one to pull himself together and rise to the occasion. He was usually the one that carried the cheerful, encouraging spirit. His baggage was weighing down all aspects of his life, and it had made him more annoyed at himself for not being able to throw it all out.

_ Why is this so hard? Why am I allowing this drama to spiral me out of control? I can hardly focus in class anymore. My performance during basketball practices has been subpar. I gotta snap out of it. _

Mark sorted through his locker, packing things into his gym bag. Kai would usually come by his locker before Mark’s game to hang out and offer some advice for his performance. He learned a lot from his senior. 

It felt weird just being left alone by himself now. It didn’t feel right.

And right on cue, he saw Jongin come around the corner at the end of the hallway, slouching with his messenger bag. 

Remembering Taeyong’s advice about actually confronting Kai, Mark felt motivated with a new sense of bravery. Mark fully faced Jongin then, no longer hiding the shame of what he was feeling. Mark’s eyes were sorrowful, yet pleading. As the older was getting close, Jongin side-eyed to Mark for a moment until he noticed the expression Mark held. Jongin stopped walking then and held that contact with Mark. 

Mark’s heart was beating so fast and he swore he was about to lose it, right in the middle of the hallway with hundreds of people walking past. Time felt frozen when the two wordlessly… just stared. Jongin had a look of shock and speechlessness.

_ Does he wanna talk to me now or...? _

Mark was starting to get a little too hopeful when a sultry, female voice called out,

“Hey Jongin-ssi!”

Mark saw a long, black haired female zoom right past him and straight to Jongin. Mark quickly turned his head back to his locker, mindlessly moving around some things as he couldn’t help but eavesdrop.

He heard Jongin sounding caught off guard as he stuttered back,

“O-oh, hi Jimin-ssi. How are you?”

The girl giggled bashfully,

“Please. Just call me Karina. I just really wanted to… thank you for treating me to that dinner. That Dalk-galbi buffet was probably the best place I’ve been to so far,”

Jongin laughed back,

“Oh it was nothing. I’m really happy you enjoyed it,”

Oh.

So this was who Jongin must’ve been seeing instead, Mark concluded. He couldn’t hide the bubbling jealousy punching his gut at the moment. He sneaked a peek at the new girl and recognized her as someone that a lot of guys have been thirsting over. 

She was taller, slim, had a twinkle to her eyes with how enormous they were. He heard she was very smart, being the top of her class in her old school, and a charismatic hip-hop dancer.

Just the type of girl Kai would fall for.

Seems like he’d already taken the girl out on a date, and she’d just moved to the school about a week ago. He sure wastes no time with people who he genuinely wants to connect with.

Or maybe it was all a part of Kai’s scheme, to get in her pants. Taeyong did say that Kai seemed to pull this type of thing often.

Unable to handle anymore, Mark slammed his locker deafeningly hard and rushed off to the nearest exit. On his way, he unexpectedly saw Taeyong with Johnny and Jaehyun, presumably hanging out before the junior varsity game. Taeyong had his eyes on Kai, then looked over to Mark, sending a hopeful look. Mark shook his head, ducking his head down as he just kept going.

After what seemed to be about a minute of him running off to an exit, Mark finally ended up to the back-side of the school to the teacher parking lot.

Alone. Finally alone. 

The sound of the wind and distant teenagers laughing relaxed Mark’s oversensitive state. He looked off to the trees that stood beyond the parking lot, and sat down on the sidewalk. He slouched over, arms hugging his knees in as he took a few deep breaths.

Just then he heard the door behind him open. Mark was sensing that Taeyong followed him out and was going to give him another pep talk, when Mark didn’t really want that right now. Even better, he was hoping for a random teacher to be just walking off to their car, leaving Mark alone. Mark sat still in his position, feeling embarrassed of his vulnerable state.

“... Mark?”

_ ….that chilling deep voice. _

The last person Mark could’ve ever expected to be behind him stood staring, possibly confused, at Mark’s appearance.

Kai.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drama and stuff. I'm so bad at making drama. :/  
Also can you tell that this has become a vent chapter now. Like I can't help myself AHAHA. It's getting too real :-)


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